Into Spring

The Southern Hemisphere Welcomes Spring!

If that were a headline of the paper she was reading, she would have probably murmured, “Not for some.” Or something similar.

While many could not wait to welcome the arrival of warmer weather and celebrate the new season with excitement, she maintained her somberness even on a beautiful sunny day, annular solar eclipse or not. She didn’t think that Spring Day should be a big deal. For Emily, the cold may have vacated the building upon Winter’s departure but the pair seemed to have left some dark clouds over her head. She  could only wish she knew why.

A friend had asked her on the last day of Winter what was wrong. She had answered that she was trying to figure it out. Does she really not know the reason for the gloom? Is it gloom? She somehow knows that she would not be able to persuade anyone that an unknown has taken residence in her head and uncertainty currently reigns in her heart. She is obsessive-compulsive, a control-freak and an over-achiever. The realization that she could be falling uncontrollably into the abyss of not knowing would unsurprisingly send her into panic faster than a 100kb-email download over a 100mbps fiber line.

She is not a stranger to hard work and long hours. In fact, she thrives on pressure and stress. Over 6 years ago, her doctor observed that she was not normal like the average individuals because of her much higher stress threshold. She could always hold with absolute composure a completely stress-ridden work life for 6 months, instead of 3, before hitting the nervous breakdown line. This is taking into consideration that the stress may include possible questionable business practices that she is responsible for covering up.

Perhaps the last few months have been tough on everyone in the company. Revenue for the first half of the current fiscal year is down to 50% of the same period last year, at best. Meeting financial commitments has been challenging. She had joked to the Accountant that if they could only pay the taxes, the problem would not be so taxing. She decided that humor would keep their sanity intact. However, working for a family business was starting to drain her energy. One specific relative who has been her frustration for 2 years is no longer tolerable. She is now alternately swaying between 2 personalities in the office – a no-holds-barred bitch who says what she thinks notwithstanding the consequences and a mute ice queen with a cold, callous heart.

Home, which should provide comfort, offers no consolation. Lacking super powers, the responsibly of homemaker and sole breadwinner falling on her shoulders alone is showing signs of wearing her down. Days filled with impatience, lost tempers and overall moodiness exceed the carefree, cheery days. Fatigue and exhaustion is making her feel ancient and she is not ready for old age’s premature advent.

However, depleted energy is not Emily’s main concern. She is certain that what truly eats her up is not knowing where her money goes, although this is not an accurate truth. She is fully capable of reconciling her checking account and she does, albeit sporadically. She would be better off acknowledging that family members’ laziness, complacency and extravagance put a terrible strain on the available monthly resources. She is beginning to wonder if she should hang her hat and see what fate has in store for her and the whole family. She can try optimism and hope that the sudden disappearance of luxury items and experiences would jolt a person to action.

Not being able to control her physical environment is the final straw that could be the cause of Emily’s descend to a relapse in depression. She couldn’t help but miss the time when her Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder worked perfectly well, when it was okay to have no control over her life provided that her house was in order.

“It is possible that Winter has been too long, if not too cold.” Emily tries to rationalize her present predicament. It isn’t that Winter had an extra month this year but the 3 months felt longer for her. She is fully aware that time, in general, still flies.  However, hours spent in the office and working from anywhere else outside of the office have been long. Maybe she only needs Winter to bid its farewell, and she has that now.

Spring is meant to usher in hope? “Is there really such a thing as hope?” she wondered. She knows she should not encourage hopelessly in her head but she could not help wonder about hope.

“It’s just Winter,” she concluded. Her business partner had been quiet since the outset of Winter but she had called Emily this week to chat about the plans for the new year. She needs to believe in her heart that not all is lost and possibilities are endless. The Universe seems to conspire as well. She received a text message from Cathay Pacific early in the morning informing her of the flight delay. Was she meant to fly somewhere? She was convinced that it was some sort of sign. She just didn’t get the memo. And her e-ticket.

She can give hope a chance. She will give Spring a go. After all, her partner did make her coffee this Spring Day morning.

© Anna Jailene Aguilar-Van Der Merwe (formerly Botes)

6 thoughts on “Into Spring

  1. I want more 🙊 haha keep going there has to be a next page 💖I also struggle to finish a story. Too many ideas pop up for new ones 🙈 Determination is key (a key that likes to run away and hide sometimes) 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You sure? Haha! Thank you. Thanks so much. Some encouragement 😊 I think we should police each other some can get one done. Maybe see if 2 or 3 different ideas can make 1. Yes, determination, persistence, perseverance and some love and support 😄❤️

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! In Afrikaans, we’ll say, “Baie dankie!” Not quite “dank je” but for South Africans, we’d say it’s close enough. 😄 I really appreciate your feedback. Dank je!


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