The thing with disappointment is that it is usually dished out to you by those you care about the most, your special people. The more appropriate word is probably betrayal.
It is not that people outside of life’s inner circle do not disappoint us. They do not betray us though.
Rapists, murderers and all other criminals, especially those who commit crimes against babies and children, make me question God’s intentions. There are also other times when I question God’s existence. But, evil doesn’t only disappoint me. The scum of the earth disgusts me and sends me wishing I had a super power that can wipe them out. It’s a different story for another time though.
There are also many other people in our lives who wrong us but they don’t leave us disappointed or sad because they are not significant enough in our world. The disappointment is almost expected especially for a pessimist. We are indifferent to how the inconsequential others treat us because we don’t really care about them and our lives stay the same with or without them.
A disappointment caused, whether deliberate or not, by those dear to us unquestionably hurt us; only the magnitude of the pain differs. Depending on the deed, we might be left sadly disappointed or feeling absolutely betrayed. We are saddened because we love them (a lot), or at least like (a lot), and we know that we won’t disappoint them because they are special to us. We take it for granted that they feel exactly the same way we do and thus expect that they would also only treat us with love and care. We fail to consider that perhaps we love/like them (a lot) more than they love/like us.
We give family, friends and loved ones (a lot) more love and all that love entails than what we give acquaintances and strangers, which is pretty normal. We believe, or at least we hope, that they will give us back the same. But some don’t! They treat us worse than we treat strangers.
We are left disillusioned.
We feel betrayed. Trust has been broken.
We may tell ourselves that we will no longer be considerate, kind and generous.
We may resolve to not be extraordinarily understanding and tolerant anymore.
We may say that we will treat everyone equally – no exception, not even family and relatives.
However, I know that we should not allow others and their actions to affect us. Nothing others do should change how we view and do things. No one should cause us to modify our perspective, beliefs and values.
But, how else do we avoid, or at least minimize, disappointments?
It is not easy to simply accept the transgression. Do we pretend it’s okay? Shouldn’t we be real and not only acknowledge but also express our feelings, although negative.
Say we manage to convince ourselves that we are the bigger person, after the acceptance, would we be able to effortlessly continue to give love and care to those who trampled on our hearts? I am sure it is doable, but is it not unnatural?
When I was a teenager, my mother told me how she loves and cares. I suppose she was hoping I would choose the high road, too. She said to me that there is nothing to extending love to a loving person. It does not make me a good person to return love for love. She told me that to continue to be kind to and love someone despite that person’s disregard for the love given to him is what makes a difference and that should make him realize what he could lose and correct his ways. My response was that I would give so much love to the person who loves me but if he hates me, I would hate him even more. An eye for an eye seemed to be my preferred choice.
I don’t know if I have changed much. Perhaps not. Maybe it takes a grown up – a mature person – to be loving, kind and understanding, unconditionally.
Probably, I am still getting there.
It could be this year that I would endeavor to be different, even extraordinary, when I am completely comfortable and at peace with me and who I am. Then, disappointments would not affect me.
For now though, I will not feel bad to call a spade a spade. You transgress, you take accountability. There is no beating around the bush.
If you take money that’s not yours without permission, and a whole lot of it, don’t expect tact. It’s theft.
Because a loan involves two parties – one asks and the other gives, and only if the latter is able to give and the terms of payment have been discussed and agreed upon.
You do not take what’s not yours without authorization and then deliberately deceive when asked. You were trusted and you betrayed the very same person who trusted you. That’s just despicable!