…and no, it doesn’t mean that I am not ever lost again.
I had been wondering since yesterday what I’d post today for my throwback. I didn’t really want to do another old poem; I had a poem on Tuesday.
I found below. (I had 2 false blog starts years ago and I saved a couple of posts I wanted to keep from the last blog. This is one of them. It was written in August 2011.)
I am trying so hard. Maybe that’s the problem. I cannot force something that is not meant for me, not meant to be. I am so tired.
I feel so lost once again.
I don’t know what to do. I think maybe that there’s nothing required from my side. Perhaps, I am supposed to simply surrender to fate.
Apart from not knowing what to do, I have no energy left in me to keep fighting. Is God telling me to just relinquish my life to him? It is the best option for me at this stage anyway. I am simply going to accept God’s will.
Surely, things do not just happen. All that we go through tell us something important about our lives, about our journeys, our choices, etc. God loves all of us and He is beside us wherever we are. He watches over us and guides us. When we are on the wrong path, God gives us some sort of sign so we can stop, check and correct. But I am exhausted and although I am able to stop, I seem to doubt myself that I am capable of checking… checking what? Don’t even mention correcting. I cannot correct anything I don’t know. Only God knows now what is best for me and I am leaving it all up to Him. He only gives me what I can handle.
I am keeping my faith. It is not an easy task at all. I am starting to question if I am in the right place. I feel that I am currently sitting on the floor of the abyss. Yet, I know that my situation is not the most unfortunate. There are still a lot that I can be grateful for. I am looking for a miracle, for my miracles. I am asking God to talk to me.
It may not be true but there is this application on Facebook that gives you God’s message for the day. I am taking it as my sign, God talking to me. It says: “God wants you to know that your unspoken prayers will be answered. Yes, God knows you, God hears you, God loves you, God is there for you. You are blessed.”
I am keeping the message very close to my heart especially today. This is my reassurance from God that whatever I am going through is only temporary and my life of abundance, peace, love and contentment is on its way. I am going to keep this message in my heart everyday and remember to thank him for the blessings and the good days. I will continue to praise him even on days like this because I know that He does not leave my side. He is still here. He is talking to me. I am going to keep still and silent so I can hear him talking to me.
I know that God loves me. Others may not love me. Others may misunderstand me. Others may call me names but God does not change. He does not stop loving me. God understands me all the time. God does not call his children names.
I do not judge. I do not hate people for feeling what they feel. I do not hate people for calling me names. I do not hate people for hating me. They feel what they feel and it is not an attack towards me. I am not taking anything bad said or done to me personally. I am going to let the negativity go. I am only going to embrace what is good. I am going to embrace true love. I am embracing God and everything from God and all of God’s will.
I will not internalize what people say or do against me. These unpleasant things do not serve me. They only become true when I accept them. I accept that people do what they feel or believe is right for them. What they say may be true to them but words against me are not true unless I believe them.
God is protecting me. God’s arms are wrapped around me.
No matter what happens, no matter how much I hurt, God comforts me and I am still fine. I am still blessed.
I thank God always. He listens to my prayers and my prayers are answered. Nothing has the power to break me or my spirit. No one takes away from me unless I allow them to do so.
I remain complete as God created me complete.
As you can gather from above, my old blog was basically a record of my thoughts and feelings. It was my Diary. It had no future, I guess. This blog still has me but instead of having only my thoughts and feelings, it also has poetry, fiction, music, etc.
But, this post is encouraging as I was right to believe what I did. I had every reason to keep the faith. I’ve grown. I am in a better place. Life is good.
No bad mouthing, criticism or slur will defeat me.
I’m going to say it again:
I remain complete.