My message to my boss this morning:
I’ve been sitting around for over an hour, pondering…
I do recognize that I only became a citizen in 2006 and I only came to the country in 1995. However, South Africa has been my home and I have two children who are so South African that they don’t know how to be Filipino and neither will pass for a Filipino. Even I am more South African than Filipino.
I want to join the ‘Save SA March’ in Pretoria today – to join my ex-COO at… – but [hubby] thinks that the people opposing the peaceful protests could cause problems and it’s not sure to be peaceful. I have a small child and that stops me from doing what I think is right. It’s labeled as “white protests”, I think. I’m not white, but that’s not why I’m hesitating…
(The protests are also going to be by a mix of people, I believe: by South Africans, and not because of affiliation with the “other” political party.)
So, I’m hanging, up in the air, basically.
I have been wracking my brain on how I can “contribute” and not feel apathetic or useless. I don’t want to sit on the fence as I have been doing in the last 10 years since my naturalization. So, please understand where I’m coming from on this…
I love my money but I’m now going to ask you to please not pay me for today!
I think the best I can do, because I’m allowing fear to decide for me today, is to sit at home (provided my mother doesn’t bother me and pester me to take her anywhere), meditate and write.
If my circumstances allowed (a phrase which I’m sure will be labelled privileged and middle class by anyone honest and straightforward, and I concur, sadly), I’d definitely do more…
If you really need my help today, I will do what you urgently need me to do.
Thank you for your understanding.
My boss had said okay but added [jokingly] to try not to clash with them on our way to the Union Buildings as I might have to apply for sick leave next.
I still want to go although my mother says it’s not practical because I don’t understand how it’s not practical. I think my friend and I will join a small group of protesters not far from home.