I am utterly piqued by people’s impertinence. Soon, I can officially say that my nerves are shot. It’s not that I’d like that. Not even for some dramatic effect, no!
I have to forgive myself for tossing out (temporarily) my positively sunny disposition. I am not perfect. No one is. But, impudence doesn’t become me as a norm. When I do allow myself to forget my manners, I am brutal and brusque towards the relevant person/s only. I don’t go around directing my boorish brazenness and arrogance to the unsuspecting innocent wherever I find myself wasting precious oxygen.
I started writing about my ruffled feathers last week. I am still peeved. Something tells me I am going through one of those challenging phases I sporadically go through just because I’m cursed with a restless spirit and an ever-wandering mind. It’s truly me though so I have learned to accept this me and I even find myself grateful for my restlessness.
When I find myself in a less pleasant stage of my life, either for a measly couple of days or a depressing few months, I look back, dig deep and bring to the surface some old tricks that worked. Today, I met with my 28-year-old self.
My survival tactic in year 2000 that could still work
I have such a scant knowledge of life right now but I can honestly say that I am blessed. So many times in the past, the simple truth stared at me but I mostly looked away or I flatly ignored it. I had always thought that life was a serious struggle to survive. I probably still think so. I really don’t know what’s up with life. I guess life is simply time on earth between birth and death. There is nothing more to it. I was given the gift of life and one day the gift will be taken away.
So, what is the purpose of life? My life. What is my purpose? I racked my brain searching for some answers. I definitely wanted to know my mission in life. I was looking for a mind-blowing realization. If I am to die now – after all, death is sure to come and it can come any time – what is the reason for my existence?
Why am I here?
Perhaps I did not want to see my mission. It seemed too plain and simple to be that main reason for existence. However, it sounds rather logical. I’ll churn it in my head for a little while… One of my fears is being seen as stupid.
The pondering continues.
We are all going to die so what exactly matters? What we have, where we are, is one huge universe. Despite the chaos, we survive, together or separately. I think that human beings – you and I – have the tendency to complicate our lives. On the contrary, nature, especially if left alone, flourishes. What is the trick then?
I can’t help but wonder if swimming with the flow is a great survival strategy. Could it be that fighting the universe is a formula for frustration, exhaustion and eventually [untimely] death? And what would I have accomplished? Nothing much, maybe.
Life, as many of us have been told, is a gift. My life right now is a present, whether or not it’s wrapped beautifully. I intend to make the most of this gift. I shall enjoy it, always. Being grateful for what I have currently results to joy. And for now, because I still have internal issues to resolve, my responsibility is to be myself. I will do what pleases me and what makes me happy simply because I feel it is what’s right for me. What a comforting thought! If only for now…
Younger me cheered me up. An old manuscript got a little nudge, too. It might just be the right time to resuscitate it. I will soon be out of this funk…
…unless someone antagonizes me tomorrow. Or road rage takes over, as usual! I’d like to be that witch with powerful spells right now. Kidding!
Or am I?
Even my happy birthday couldn’t banish the irritating ones. But I am working on it. I am working on me.