Alt.Exe · Thoughts

Know Thyself

The secret to happiness is in being authentic and living life according to your truth. When you are at peace because you are you, not what others want you to be, you have joy in your heart. That is happiness that’s not dependent on acquiring any wants.

But, what if you are not quite sure who you are? What if after years of being what your parents, teachers, friends, community, employers, colleagues, and even strangers (you know, expectations… conformity!) want you to be have taken you away from you?

Know thyself!

Easier said than done, right? You have to peel off layers and masks to get back to your original self. You have to be deliberate. You have to dig deep as you embark on an introspection mission. Excavate!

Breaking down into little to dos the ultimate goal of rediscovering your authentic self makes the process seem doable. No, actually, easy as pie. Then, you realize that as you take those baby steps, your heart starts to feel, not only the joys but the hurts. Is it really worth it?

And, since we’re not fossils, we know that we are not only the bones that we would victoriously extract from the earth. The years have added some flesh to the bones to make us who we are now. I find this most daunting. How do you distinguish the good fat from the bad fat? Which part of that flesh do you need and can turn into muscles and which part is an excess to which you must say goodbye?

I do not have an answer to that. I suppose exercising would help. Practice makes perfect, right? To quote the legendary Gary Player, ” The more I practice, the luckier I get.” We must stay the course and keep on doing what you need to do [swinging those golf clubs hoping to hit those little balls?]. By the 18th, you would have an idea what works and what doesn’t work, what feels right and what doesn’t feel right, and what makes you smile. You stay with the smile to the 19th where you’d have your celebratory drink.

Two months of winter, although it had only been too cold to be comfortable for most of July, as June was “just fine”, have made me lazy, miserable and frustrated. Until two day ago, I was convinced that I had been pretty useless. I did no substantial writing. I have not finalized the books for release, supposedly in August. We are two days (excluding today) away from August, and I work full time. Yes, all I have managed–understandably, since I am a responsible and over-achieving Type-A–is my bread and butter: my day job. But, with my issue of feelings of inadequacy, no matter how “successful” I may be at work, I feel like I have failed not only me but most especially my fellow authors and my blogging community.

I felt like I was in dire need of intervention. I listened to the voice and I sought help.

Apparently, there is nothing wrong with taking a break from over-performance. Perhaps, after a certain period of time, I need to re-fuel and replenish. Looking at my past, at least since I moved to South Africa, June to August are my slow months. I was advised to accept that I am a bear that must hibernate in winter. It is okay. Come spring, I will come out of the cave and do my bear stuff… including scaring people. Kidding!

Know thyself.

Relinquish control.

Internalize acceptance.

Feel the peace.

Experience joy.

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7 thoughts on “Know Thyself

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